my skin...my own worst enemy

9:51am: Went back to the derm option
I started taking deoxycycline again. I'm on day three...so far my chin has been broken out more. I've been told that this is a pretty common occurance and it takes about 3-4 weeks to actually see any type of affect from the treatment. I'll keep you updated

9:30am: Gave up
So the book says that you have to make sacrifices to clear your skin. Starving myself and making myself sick do not seem to be the ways to go...or atleast according to me. My skin is currently a wreck....like it ever isn't. I have huge pimples all over my chin, and my scars are still in the process of healing. Currently I have a stinging feeling that lasts pretty much all day.

3:27pm: Does it ever end
So I gave up on the fast half way through simply because I woke up with 5 more pimples then I had before I went to sleep. Who am I kidding I'm stuck with this condition. It never improves it never gets better, and I'm tired of making myself feel worse for it.

12:34pm: I hate looking at myself
I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I am as ugly as I can possibly get. I mean who wants to look at a zit faced girl all the time. I hate having the worse skin out of my friends. I hate more that the ones that did have worse skin than i did simply went on accutane and fixed the problem.

8:23am: Apple Fast Take 2 Day 1
I've decided to start the apple fast again. I reread the directions and found I should have been eating organic apples instead of the ones that I was eating. If I was going to eat regular apples I should have been removing the skins.

The apple fast for the first day is somewhat simple. All I have to do is drink 3L-4L of water something I do anyway, and eat 6-10 apples. I am not allowed to ingest any other foods until sunday morning. I feel like I'll go hog wild on Sunday, but I feel like I can do this. The book boasts amazing results, but mine weren't completely successful first time around. Lets see how this goes.

Day 1: The current condition of my face is about standard. I have pimples and pustulars all around my mouth and jawline. My goal is to get rid of these and focus on the scars. Two pimples on my left shoulder, one between my boobs, two on my back upper left shoulder. On cyst on my jawline, and three smaller ones on my chin. Overall I hope to see some improvement of my skin condition.

9:44am: Broken out and broken hearted
I hate that I broke out again. I'm sick of it. I woke up this morning with a huge zit rising on my chest, one on my shoulder and 4 on my chin. I know for most people this is not a lot, but I've been making huge strides in the skin field. I think I may try the apple fast again and see how it goes. This time I'm only going to use bottled water and organic apples. The shitty part is the enema...as we know from last time. Hopefully it works!

12:09pm: Familia
My family came down to visit this weekend, and it caused a whole bunch of new stress. So much infact that I now have 6 new zits. They are smaller and not cystic, but I guarentee they'll stick around FOREVER. The skin barely has time to heal from the first breakout before new breakouts come. I think the stress is mainly from Chris and I fighting all the time. I want to get married and he wants to buy a car.

Skin update: A bunch of slow healing scars all over my mouth. A few smaller zits around my mouth region. A few on my back...overall pretty ugly!

8:19am: Better?????
The pill has helped significantly with my acne on the jawline of my face. I'm wondering if its all it would ever have taken to fix my skin is to find the correct pill? I'm wary to say its getting better because its never better. Its always different degrees of bad. Like right now its on an upward swing, but next week next month or next year it could be worse than ever.

7:49am: Just trying to keep up with m life
I guess that I should first that I feel like i'm drowning. Its a horrible horrible feeling to feel like you're in over your head and there is nothing you can do about it.

8:37am: I have no clue
So today I woke up with small pimples on the left side of my face near my mouth. Now if these were cystic I would be upset, but the last cystic one I got was about 2 weeks ago on my left cheek far near my hairline. Recently I went back to taking the acidiophilus and the garlic as well as cutting out sugar. I've also tried drinking atleast 3L of water. I wonder what that has done.
I was at the dermatologist on the 28th of February, and she said accutane won't help me, so I'm kinda stuck with the natural way. I started taking vitamins so maybe they'll help. I've heard cutting coffee out of your diet helps as well but you never know.

3:59pm: Orals are over and my skin still hates me!
Orals have been over for a few days, and instead of my acne getting better like I believe it should be it has decided to extend down my back. Not that I should complain about my back, I mean who sees it but me and chris right? wrong I'm a carolina girl...I'm supposed to be able to wear skimpy clothes and look hot! Its not fair that I'm broken out everywhere, and its especially not fair that I have acne on my face and my back. I want to be through with this mess!

8:57am: Orals...Revised
So I got my "peptalk" from my boss. That went well, and I'm starting to feel a bit more confident in my work. I have to admit thouogh, I don't feel like studying. I guess that happens after awhile. I don't feel like doing work, and I certainly don't feel like studying. I don't feel like being stupid anymore...so no one is asking me questions.

As for my skin, its begun its normal breakout ness. I have a huge crater coming up on my chin...which is horrific but hey what am I going to do.

2:17pm: Maybe it did do something?
So my skin has felt better since the apple fast. I'm not sure if its one of those fleeting things where you skin gets better forlike a week then gets worse...we'll see?

10:16am: Its Freakin Out AGAIN!!!!!
UUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH, the frustration continues to build in the battle between me and my face. The problem is that no matter how hard I try it continues to break out and look horrific. Its a real shame when you feel like you can't complete with your boyfriends ex's not because you aren't charming sophisticated and sweet, but because you aren't pretty.

8:06am: Accutane
So today is Wednesday, and I have about 4.5 days before I begin the paperwork to take accutane. I'm a bit nervous about taking it, but I guess they know what they are doing. I have ceased taking antibiotics completely because I feel like that isn't the answer. I get sick to my stomach taking them, and its difficult to concentrate while on them. Plus I feel like they've made the infection worse all this time. I went to the dr.s yesterday to look over my hormone levels. She changed my pill and told me to start taking my pill exactly on time. That's fine with me, I needed to get in the habit of that anyways. I have been taking tri spiritec for long enough that it shouldn't cause break through bleeding any more. I have continued to use the elicinia cream, and feel I am reaping an extremely mild amount of benefits from it. I'm pretty sure I'll continue to use it for a bit and see how that goes. I also feel, however, that I'm at the point in my cycle where my skin clears nicely, but in a week I'll break out all over my body. Its very dependent on my menstral cycle.

8:54am: Herbal stuff
So after the apple flush they tell you that SOMETIMES your acne can get worse. This is supposed to be a "good thing" because it means that you are affecting your skin. I agree its LOVELY, cuz your skin gets to be all kinds of sad looking and bumpy. I've begun following up on the next few recommendations of the system. They are to remove as much sugar as possible. This includes natural forms of sugar such as hunny. I splurged last night and had some chai tea latte and some mexican dessert with deep fried tortilla chips and honey with cinnomon. It was yummy, but I almost FEEL my skin breaking out even more than before. I've been really careful about taking my vitamins (chewable GNC teen vitamins called MEGA TEEN formula) Why "MEGA TEEN" you might ask? Well, when compared to the more expensive hair skin and nails formula, their is selenium and chromium which are known to make skin somewhat better. This should take a few weeks to take effect since according to V you don't get any value out of vitamins the first few weeks you start taking them. I've also resumed taking the garlic and the acidobilcillus. I liked that because the last time I took them without changing the other parts of my diet my skin improved exponentially. I've also started using the exposed system again, with one minor change, I also include the elicinia cream as well. This has proven helpful in soothing my skin. Though its red from the exposed system, maybe its not as bad as it was.
Today I've made an appointment at student health. As Chris has noted many times over my stomach has been upset to a large degree. I'm all sick every morning. I also feel like my hormones are all kinds of crazy. I think I'm going to discuss checking my hormones with the people at the womens clinic. If they are out of balance they will affect not only my mood but all functions of my body.

8:56am: Apple Fast DOESN'T WORK!
So its been two days since I ended the apple fast. I thought at first it was working. My scars appearred lighter and everything seemed to be going fine. I cleaned out my colon like instructed etc. The problem is that I started to break out like crazy on the third day. Infact, I went out to eat cuz I knew it wasn't working. I began taking vitamins and stuff again since this crap isn't working. I also decided it wasn't worth taking the antibiotics anymore. My acne may be severe, but it isn't worth my overall body health. I am currently working to restore the good bacteria in my gut. I also gave up caffeine again. I've heard that caffiene is extremely bad for you. So I've decided the green tea and chai lattes are the way to go. I have tried to eliminate dairy from my diet as much as possible. This is a problem cuz I live with the cheese queen known as Chetna. I heart her but dude the cheese is CRAZY! Sugar is an absolute no no in my diet now...I just can't have it. I've also begun using the exposed system again as well as elicinia creme. I've seen the results of this product and I highly recommend it to everyone. I am still trying to fix the scars from past break outs. Once those scars have healed, it will be easier to fix the rest of my skin. I have a feeling my acne is only mild, but my scars make it appear worse. I have no choice, however, but to begin to take accutane and wait for my skin to heal. I begin my treatments next week...or so they say. I still need to go through the pregnancy tests, and the discussions about pregnancy and the liver tests. The problem is I want to end my relationship with acne FOREVER! Now that I've exhausted all my other options, I feel like its my only choice.

2:52pm: Acne Free in THREE DAYS IS A CROCK!
You ever want to be taken for 35.00 well pay for Chris Gibson's book. I ate the damn apples...I drank the three freaking bottles of water. I gave myself the damn enemas. I put the icky caster oil on my face. I'm not sure what I did wrong, but my acne is most certainly still on my freaking face. Right now I'm sitting in my bedroom with a Proactiv sulfur mask on. For some reason this product is calming and since this program induced me to break out along my jawline, I thought I would try it. I guess its accutane for me right?

Bottom line: diets do not work!

9:13am: This Fucking SUCKS
I'm pissed right now. I've followed the damn detox diet to a freaking T and I woke up this morning with a new pimple. A huge one on my jaw line. What am I doing to deserve this? What have I done wrong to deserve acne of this magnitude? I thought I was supposed to finally get to be pretty again if I completed this diet. All that has happened is I'm more frustrated than before. I'm tired of taking antibiotics. I'm tired of avoiding foods. I haven't even had any sugar in the last few months!

2:52pm: Is it the GREEN TEA
So the site says you can drink green tea if you feel nauseated...and I drank green tea with honey lemon and ginsing. I hope this didn't screw it up...I'm assuming it did because I see absolutely NO IMPROVEMENT. I told you this was utter crap! Guess its accutane for me

1:56pm: Nope NOTHING
Well DUPED again. I knew this method wouldn't work and I still tried it anyway!...how dumb am I. I guess its more being a hopeful optimist that SOMETHING will work for me. I'm tired of being the girl that would be pretty if she didn't have acne. I really am. Besides feeling really hot A LOT I don't feel any different. Is it normal to feel hot?

7:42am: Apple Fast Day 2
So day 1 past uneventfully. My stomach got a bit crampy but overall I'm okay. I'll admit the enemas sucked. It actually kinda hurt in a way. Plus I thought a whole bunch more would move, but it didn't. I woke up this morning without much change in my skin. I'm guessing it just doesn't work. I guess I'll continue it for another day. Just to see what happens.

As of today...scarring on my right cheek, three lesions on my left cheek, and one on my left temple in the hairline. The last one arrived yesterday so it isn't in its huge beaming glory yet...which is why I don't think this diet is working at all. I wonder what this will do. I've been reading about other home remedies. Maybe one of them will be beneficial?

3:14pm: Strike that
So strike that last comment. Found a new zit in my hairline. Turns out this is crap. We'll see what tomorrow brings but now I'm pissed!

2:05pm: Update on Apple Fast
So I've been at this all day...and have been through about 4.5 apples...yup 4.5 apples and I've only been at work for 8 hours. That's an apple about every 2 hours. I'm not hungry just wishing I could eat other foods. Like a few hours ago I got an email from chris talking about GUACAMOLE...it just happens to be my most favoritest food ever. The sad thing is until this is over I can't eat it. I'm supposed to be focusing on clearing my body of toxins with large amounts of water and such. I'm hoping I'm doing this right. I think I'm supposed to peel the apples then eat them. I washed them and I heard the skin was the best part.

So far my skin has been reacting funny. It seems like its improved since this morning. Do you think there is something to this. Or do you think like me that I want it so badly that I'll make it happen if only in my head.

8:24am: Acne Free In Three Days?
So I've become desperate enough to resort to eating nothing but apples and water for 3 days to see if it has any effect on my skin. The purpose is that I don't want to have to be dependent on antibiotics anymore. I'm guessing its stupid, but I don't want to have to spend the rest of my life taking antibiotics when I get the biggest effects in my skin when I avoid soda and alcohol. According to this book you have to "detoxify" you system. And that the candida yeast is taking over simply because I've taken too many antibiotics.

Method: Eat 10-12 apples daily, apply an enema every night to eliminate toxins in the bowel, and get plenty of rest.